This is when the grief comes

Where the shadows fall and the tears run dry

When there are no words to still my beating heart

Sleep won't come despite closed eyes

Tears won't fall despite the emptiness

My only prayer is that maybe she knew You

My only prayer is that maybe now she is asleep 

Safe in Your arms

For You are a hope stronger than the grave

You are what I'll hold on to

All I can do now is kneel and pray

And as I do

My tears fall

The Goodness of God

I would just like to share something amazing that has happened.  I have been particularly bothered by the fact that as of November we would be needing a bigger car.  With a fourth child on the way I really need to get a 7 seater people carrier type thing.  

I had been assessing how much I was likely to get for my amazing Volvo 850, but unfortunately that was less than £1000 which doesn't really leave much for a new (to us) car.  

I came home from work today to news that someone has decided to give us £3000 in order to buy a new car.

God is amazing! Ever faithful and ever true!

Lullaby

I've just recorded a new song.  I wrote it as a lullaby for my children as they often wanted me to play guitar to them before going to bed, but unfortunately all the songs they wanted me to play were too upbeat and tended to get them fired up instead of relaxed and ready for sleep.  

One night I was thinking about how Miriam often gets up in the middle of the night and just asks for a cuddle and this led me to thinking about how we should be with God.  He loves me more than I love my children and He is more than happy for me just to crawl into his arms and lie there, with all the problems of the world drowned out by his loving arms.

I wrote this song for so my children would know that they too are always in His arms.

New Job

I recently applied for a new position within the police.  I applied to join the Tactical Cycle Team.  Believe it or not, I actually got the job and will be starting hopefully towards the end of May.

I can't wait!

Growing pains (to quote from Adrian Mole)

I feel like I haven't been blogging for a while and have just been inspired to return!

I have recently discovered that I am going to be a father for the fourth time...  hmmm, at some point I might realise that I am actually a grown up...

I mean, I know I have responsibilities, a mortgage, a career, 3 (almost 4) children, I've been married for 7 years, I have a dog and a Volvo. (yes, a volvo. If anything should define me as an adult - possibly even a middle aged adult - it should be the volvo!)

How come then do I only now and again have small moments, instants one could say, where I have a sudden flash of adulthood realisation?  Is there ever going to be a point where I am fully aware of the fact that actually, I am an adult.  I am grown up. Or will I always feel a little like a kid who's suddenly out of depth but yet somehow treading water?

Do my dreams have to die or will they just grow into a more tangible reality?

I think I'm having a quarter life crisis...

Money Saving

I have recently discovered a very useful website for all you ebayers out there.

If you go to http://www.fatfingers.co.uk and type in what you are searching for there it will search any of the ebays (you select which one, but I think default is .com, so for the UK you have to change it to .co.uk).  What it does though, is search for spelling mistakes.  All spelling mistakes.

I'm currently bidding on an SLR didital (sic) camera, and missed out on a suround (sic) sound system by 50p (someone out bid me at the last second, but more on that later) which sold for £10.50.

The beauty of this search site is that the auctions it throws up are the ones no one else has found simply because most people search for things with the right spelling.

Another useful website if you're more of a browser is http://www.lastminuteauction.com/uk which shows all auctions with less than an hour to go with one or no bids.  Quite fun to look through and there are several good deals to have if you know what you are looking for.

And finally, back to the subject of being outbid at the last minute.  There is a website that allows you to "snipe" auctions.  Essentially you tell the website how much you are willing to pay for the item and at the last possible second it automatically places your highest bid, which means that if your bid is the highest you automatically win the auction.  Not sure how sporting this is but it is not against ebay rules and if you have a fixed price that you're not willing to go over it means you can go away and forget about the auction until it's over.  It means no paying over what you can afford or want to pay.  No getting caught up in "bidding fever"!

Anyway, the website is http://www.bidnip.com and the first 5 snipes are free and after that they cost about 17 cents (about 8p) per snipe, which is a small price to pay to guarantee you win the auction if you are the highest bidder.  If you don't win then the snipe is re-credited.

Anyway, thought I'd share these useful money saving tips!

As they say on ebay, Happy Bidding!

New Computer

I have a new computer!  It's a 20" iMac and it's absolutely genius!!!!

I've just spent the last couple of hours video chatting to my brother Nathan in London.  I've never done a video chat thing before....

I can't wait to start using the computer for recording some songs.

Updates to follow!