Today I am due to go to London where I'm going to stay overnight with my parents before going to an interview at the New Zealand Embassy, where I have applied for a job as a NZ Police Officer.
I have to admit that now, having got through two stages of the application process, I am a little worried. It's not the fact that I have to be able to run 2.4 km (that's 1 1/2 miles) in 10 minutes 15 seconds. It's not the fact that after that I will have to perform 34 press ups continuously before carrying out a grip test and a vertical jump test. Even the interview doesn't bother me too much.
What worries me now is the fact that I have a strong feeling that this is not what God wants me to do. And I don't know how to test this. I've prayed about it more since saturday when I first became aware of this feeling and I can't seem to shake it, but at the same time I am worried that maybe it's just my nerves, maybe I'm just scared as it would be a very big move...
For the first time in a long time I actualy feel like I belong here in Southampton. I finally feel part of the church here and I find myself not wanting to leave. Then there was the guest speaker in church on Sunday talking about loving "in our community" as opposed to going away on short term mission trips. I could be reading too much into it because if I were to move then surely NZ would become my community...
Sometimes I just wish God would answer my questions in a loud booming voice! Ot maybe just write the answers in clouds in the sky. Even an email would do! (although I don't think I have His email address in my address book, so it may get relegated to the Spam folder by Microsoft's excellent spam filter!)
Anyhow, I guess what I'm saying is: Please pray! The assessment day is tomorrow at 0830 in the morning and runs through the afternoon. Please pray that whatever happens tomorrow is God's outcome and that I would have a clear understanding of what his will is for me in my life.
I just can't shake the memory of something someone once said to me: "Follow your dreams, as your dreams were given to you by God and as such, more often than not, what your heart desires is also what God desires."
New Zealand has never been a particular dream of mine, but would be an easy solution to my current financial situation...
Anyway, now, having written two particularly serious posts in the last couple of days, I'll try to resume my normal cheerful content after tomorrow!
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